The Paradox of Perfectionism



What is perfectionism in sport psychology?

Perfectionism is one of the most widely studied personality characteristics in sport and sport psychology. Perfectionism is a personality style characterized by setting exceptionally high performance standards, striving for flawlessness, and a tendency to be overly critical when evaluating one’s performance (Flett & Hewitt, 2005). The distinction between striving for perfectionism and problematic perfectionism is considered particularly critical in determining whether perfectionism has positive or negative effects on the individual (Sellars, Evans, & Thomas, 2016). Researchers also distinguish between several types of perfectionism:

• Self-oriented perfectionism (the degree to which an individual sets exceptionally high personal standards and strictly self-evaluates against those standards);
• Socially prescribed perfectionism (the degree to which a person perceives that significant others hold exceptionally high standards and base their approval on meeting those standards);
• Other-oriented perfectionism (the degree to which a person holds others to exceptionally high standards) (Appleton, Hall, & Hill, 2010; Dunn, Dunn, & McDonald, 2012).

What do the scientific studies say?

The multidimensional nature of perfectionism means that quite a few conclusions can be drawn on the topic, and the research confirms this. Maladaptive or unhealthy perfectionism (focus on high standards accompanied by anxiety about mistakes and evaluation from others) has been found to be associated with excessive workload (e.g., Flett & Hewitt, 2005), poor performance (Stoeber, Uphill, & Hotham, 2009), and athlete burnout (Hill & Curran, 2016).

It is natural to extrapolate this to the sporting activities of average people. Very often one needs to work with individuals who have started a sport with enthusiasm. However, adaptive or healthy perfectionism (focus on high standards but not excessively worried about making mistakes or about how others evaluate performance) has been found to be associated with better learning and performance (Stoeber et al., 2009) and other adaptive goal patterns (e.g., Stoll, Lau, & Stoeber, 2008). Other interesting findings include the following:

• Perfectionist standards do not automatically undermine performance, and with the right direction can lead to optimal performance;
• Perfectionist standards become exhausting when achieving them is necessary for self-validation. In other words, if your self-worth is directly tied to perfectionism, this can lead to challenges.
• It follows that perfectionism is especially negative during failure. And failures happen relatively often for athletes, and even more often for average exercisers;
• Extreme perfectionists with ego orientation and low self-assessment of their own abilities are prone to higher levels of stress, motivational problems, and burnout;
• Perfectionists are at greater risk if they have poor coping skills. Certain types of perfectionism predispose people to engage in specific cognitive and behavioral processes that influence their exercise. Coping skills are also trainable, which can lead to better management of an individual’s perfectionist tendencies;
• Perfectionist demands originate either from the individuals themselves or from others;
• There is a relationship between a child’s levels of perfectionism and the parents’ levels of perfectionism. Children whose parents model their own perfectionism or provide conditional approval of the child’s achievement attempts are more likely to have perfectionist tendencies.
• Adaptive perfectionism is associated with approach motivation, while maladaptive perfectionism is associated with avoidance motivation.

The specialist’s approach

It is important for those working in sport to help athletes and exercisers distinguish between a healthy commitment to high performance standards and unhealthy strivings (e.g., negative reactions to imperfections, fear of failure) associated with maladaptive or unhealthy perfectionism. This requires the athlete not to overly link their self-worth with performance and to reduce any irrational sense of importance placed on performance. Thus, the well-known Stoic dichotomy (in our time the trichotomy of control) can be extremely useful in this regard. The emphasis in training is best placed on self-improvement rather than on the ultimate victory, and on teaching psychological skills such as relaxation and self-motivation, building flexible goals, and developing skills for accepting mistakes. All of these are additional strategies that can help athletes and active people cope with their unhealthy perfectionism (Sellars et al., 2016). Finally, if individuals are characterized by extreme perfectionism, visiting a sport psychologist may be warranted.

REBT perspective

In Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), perfectionism is viewed as a direct consequence of the irrational belief Demandingness — rigid, absolute demands we place on ourselves: “I MUST be flawless and if I’m not, I’m worthless.” Albert Ellis distinguished between a healthy preference for high performance and the tyranny of absolute “musts,” with the latter being the root of maladaptive perfectionism. The Disputing technique helps the athlete replace “I must be perfect” with “I would prefer to perform well, but my worth as a person does not depend on my performance.” This process is a core tool within the broader framework of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT).

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Beyond sport: Perfectionism in everyday life

Perfectionism is probably the cognitive distortion that most easily masquerades as a virtue. “I just have high standards,” people tell themselves. And yes, sometimes that is exactly the case. But the line between “high standards” and “paralyzing perfectionism” is thinner than we think.

At work: The project is 95% done. But you don’t submit it because “it could be better.” Days pass. Your colleague, who submitted their project at 80% quality on time, has already received feedback and improved their work. You are still polishing something no one has seen. Perfectionism is not the path to quality — it is the path to procrastination.

At home: You can’t invite friends over because “the apartment isn’t tidy enough.” You don’t post the photo because “you don’t look good enough.” You don’t start a blog, course, or project because “you’re not prepared enough.” Perfectionism presents itself as a pursuit of excellence, but in reality it is a pursuit of invulnerability — if I don’t try, I can’t fail.

As a parent: “If I don’t do everything perfectly, my children will suffer.” This pattern is especially exhausting because perfect parenting does not exist — but the effort to achieve it leads to chronic guilt and burnout.

A practical CBT tool: replace the question “Is it perfect?” with “Is it good enough?” Perfect is the enemy of good — not because standards don’t matter, but because chasing the impossible standard stops action. And without action, there is neither learning nor growth.

Perfectionism is closely related to other cognitive distortions — especially black-and-white thinking and fear of failure. Understanding this connection is key to overcoming it.

References:

1. Dunn, J. G., Dunn, J. C., & McDonald, K. (2012). Domain-specific perfectionism in intercollegiate athletes: Relationships with perceived competence and perceived importance in sport and school. Psychology of Sport and Exercise, 13(6), 747-755.
2. Flett, G. L., & Hewitt, P. L. (2005). The perils of perfectionism in sports and exercise. Current directions in psychological science, 14(1), 14-18.
3. Hill, A. P., & Curran, T. (2016). Multidimensional perfectionism and burnout: A meta-analysis. Personality and social psychology review, 20(3), 269-288.
4. Sellars, P. A., Evans, L., & Thomas, O. (2016). The effects of perfectionism in elite sport: Experiences of unhealthy perfectionists. The Sport Psychologist, 30(3), 219-230.
5. Sellars, P. A., Evans, L., & Thomas, O. (2016). The effects of perfectionism in elite sport: Experiences of unhealthy perfectionists. The Sport Psychologist, 30(3), 219-230.
6. Stoeber, J., Uphill, M. A., & Hotham, S. (2009). Predicting race performance in triathlon: The role of perfectionism, achievement goals, and personal goal setting. Journal of Sport and Exercise Psychology, 31(2), 211-245.
7. Stoll, O., Lau, A., & Stoeber, J. (2008). Perfectionism and performance in a new basketball training task: Does striving for perfection enhance or undermine performance?. Psychology of sport and Exercise, 9(5), 620-629.
8. Weinberg, R. S., & Gould, D. (2018). Foundations of sport and exercise psychology, 7E. Human Kinetics.